CHEERS

A picture from my photoblog,and the most common thing served in Bangalore restaurants!!!

If you are amongst the lucky few for whom a glass full of spirits can elevate spirits and induce happiness,then why not,go ahead and capture the elusive happiness,in your glass.Except,when the glasses are empty,you should know where to go,and where your car was parked.Yes….but it is what you are the ‘morning after’ ,which is the test of a real man……(err woman)It's not whether you are able to stand your drinks , but ,whether you can still stand after you had your drinks…..whether you are 'man' enough to decide that you are not fit to drive back home…And can still remember the name of that pretty girl/cute guy, you met in the party last night, depends entirely on ‘how spirited you are’ in the true sense….”

Don't drink like there's no tomorrow,because there always is a tomorrow, and a hangover,especially when you have to go to work the next day(and if you don't remember anything,there's always your wife to narrate the gory details......)

and if you are gifted like me,who can get drunk and feel on top of the world with just a glass of water,stay that way because who needs a glass full of spirits….when we're already high on life......


cheers..burp...hic

happy 2008

P AND ME

Unarguably,this picture is one of my favourites,(Although I have managed to look a little more presentable in a lot of others).At six in the morning,with a rumbling tummy,threatening to rumble loud enough for everyone to hear,being held back and not allowed to go into the sea,(even though i convinced my friends that i could swim) ,the mangalore humidity giving your sweat glands a spin,a ton of sand in my hair and a huge tear running down my 3/4's,I certainly look anything but presentable!!!!!!!

the reason being ,it manges to capture me when I'm just me,no other designations like a mother or a wife,and that happens when you are with the friends(a friend) you love.It isn't easy to find many instances where you can be yourself(much as we argue) and there aren't too many pictures which can capture you,when you smile,into the camera, because you are happy.

But,what it also captures is the chemistry between MATHS AND ENGLISH.

well,words and numbers always didn't share this chemistry and history and Vidya Valley school has been a witness to sparks that flew,when words clashed with numbers.

Five years back,here i was thrown into the middle of the (sharks)school session,into a class full of kids who were sour at their previous teacher having left them mid way,and to top it all, the friendly colleague,Padma(the lady in question),was anything but friendly,trying desperately to COVER the syllabus,and fighting tooth and nail with the P.ED teacher,who had done the heinous crime of taking her class for games,when the exams were literally hanging over the entire school.Although,she spoke Marathi ,hindi and english with equal ease,she chose to torture me by (mis)communicating in marathi and in spite of reminding her several times,that MARATHI YEIT NAHIN(I can't speak marathi),she couninued to do so,till the time she turned around to tell me blatantly,' go and learn the language'.

I was mighty impressed with her dedication and her stamina to fight though,fight for the fact that Marie biscuits are lunch,Richard Gere is the most handsome man alive,how to stay silent and still fight and be stubborn,teachers are not boring,especially maths and biology teachers,and fight and lose and still be a winner in life,when life gangs up against you.

the rest they say is history,and although people say it isn't a coincidence that i chose to come to Bangalore,when padma was in mangalore,i choose to call it destiny.There aren't too many times,and too many people,being with whom, you don't have to be told 'Say cheese',to capture your smile and happiness.

REACHING ACROSS

If anyone in Bangalore gives you directions in terms of distance i.e kms, then either they are new or possess a sadist streak in them (as they don’t want you to reach your destination).

In Bangalore, distances in kms have lost their value and time taken has become a more valid tool for measurement. In fact travel directions acquire theatrical dimensions (timings).Between 8-10, you would reach in 2 hrs (anything below 2 hrs is not considered TRAVEL in Bangalore) 12-2(1 hr...and this is fast diminishing, because the myth of traffic easing out in the afternoons is now a thing of the past, coz the only ones who nap in the afternoons are the friendly cowboy policeman and the traffic lights themselves)and between 6-8 ,you should believe in an old Chinese saying…"It's not the finishing point, but the act of travelling which is important" (there’s no one who can predict when you will reach during this time).

The diminishing gardens are sad reminders of the city which was once known as a garden city, and is now as infamous for its traffic snarls as it is for its’ humongous IT giants. Travelling still petrifies me, thanks to the maze of one ways that pop up weekly at one place and miraculously disappear the other. At such times the humble auto comes to your rescue and it’s a relief to be driven, than drive. It’s easy to remain fit if you are a regular traveler, as the emission from the vehicles serves as an appetite suppressant, chocking you at every red light and leaving you with a queasy feeling at the end of it.

And under such conditions, you learn to forgive (but not forget) your friends, who you know are reeling under the pressure and the grind, and when you meet…. ice cream before dinner and movies just become an excuse, rather a means to reach across. In Bangalore, if you can find the time to catch your friends and catch up with them, its nothing short of a miracle.

13 isn't that odd

On a cold foggy winter morning ,13 years back,I played the biggest gamble of my life.At 20 1/2,I had no stakes to choose..... nothing to lose,no high profile job and gorgeous salary to lure me,no burning ambition of hitting the best educational institutions,no pushy parents to taunt and torture me(sometimes though they did) about studying hard and harder.Actually,I wasn't thinking straight,but was wondering,why this handsome man who sat beside me, had asked me to marry him,when we were as different and apart in personalities as probably,one and zero. Skeptics on both sides of the family gave it 'not more than six months' and they probably gave up speculating after that .....

So ,you think (like everyone else),that it's love that makes you want to write your whole life off ,change your name,leave your family,friends,city,roots and get set to live a life which demands a change of place every few months(i have moved a total of 12 places,in 13 years)
Well,if you are still single and happy,then you would attribute it to the phenomenon called LOVE,but those who have been through the ire and fire,will agree,that love is too light a word ,when one thinks of what keeps people going and keeps them happy in a marriage.A lot of fuss is made about anniversaries, especially,thanks to the numerous ads that crop up,fortunately anniversaries are(NOT) about being perched atop a luxury liner,with a candle lit dinner and a huge diamond......(they should censor such ads,for they cause severe domestic violence and irreparable damage to a woman's heart and mind) ,instead they are about celebrating love and togetherness,something which perhaps we tend to replace by gifting a diamond.Love changes and evolves as we grow old and I realized its a beautiful evolution.

love is, celebrating birthdays,with a candle perched on a pastry,because the salary never arrived that month,and one was too proud to ask for help!!!!


love is, when you tell him,it's O.K..we have no job...and will have no job and salary for the next eight months and though the bills will keep coming, we still have each other.

love is forgetting your wife's birthday,and being forgiven for that.


love is to think with your heart and tell your head,for love is irrational and illogical and cruel and angry,especially when you are having an argument.


whoever said love is, never having to say sorry,probably was a divorce lawyer.......because it's about saying sorry,to the people who matter, its better to be sorry than feel sorry later!!!


The (bitter) truth is something I said 15 yrs ago,to my husband( sitting on the steps of Nirulas,in Chanakya Puri),love is being in a room with someone and feeling that love is in the air,marriage is being in the same room,and watching love fly out from the window(he was probably impressed at the wisdom I possessed at 18!!!)and asked me to marry him..... but sadly that was the last time I displayed any sign of wisdom!!!!),love doesn't fly out,I realized, it just acquires a new meaning,with time.Love is blind and foolish,but even after 13 years ,it still makes my world go round.

serve,shot.....I'm smashed!!!!

When you go to play,leave your bag of excuses at home.......

"I've never played,in school or college...."

"I've never been a sporty kind of person,I prefer the gym...."

"I have just started learning....."

with every excuse my opponents smashed me harder than ever...

It was probably all those afternoons of playing(being pampered) with a friend,which gave me the over confidence to lend myself to a group of ladies who play badminton,every morning......how good can they be??or I'm not that bad!!!!!I thought vainly to myself !!

If I ever believed that over confidence kills......I could see myself being slaughtered.Blood was all over the court especially, burning hot like shame and embarrassment on my face....I rummaged through my bag of excuses,but was tongue tied......luckily my opponents were much softer than their serves and their shots....."you'll pick up"...don't worry,they consoled me.I felt like a patient with an incurable disease ,don't worry you'll live....

If that wasn't enough,my family took pity and started extending training sessions over the weekends....If i dreaded the weekday mornings,in anticipation of shame and humiliation,the weekend was time for my confidence to shatter(once again)....for my belief that"husbands are the worst instructors " was proved just right(again)

as he smashed my ego and confidence across the court,the others playing adjacent left in a hurry sensing a rise in the mercury(literally)....I had a feeling he was taking revenge for all the minor and major domestic squabbles,we must have ever had(man's only chance to get even!!!)

I realised that apart from the (excuses) mentioned above,a major part of the problem lay in the fact that the rules of the game went against my very fabric and thought process ....

1.play the game at two levels...one in your mind and the other on the court(are you kidding I can't even cook and chop at the same time....

2.pounce on your opponents weak points,thrash her when and where she least expects it(and i can begin when I'm through getting thrashed.....can barely take my eyes off the shuttle)

3.Be unpredictable,don't let your opponent know about your next move or serve(well,it's hard for me to change..i love being predictable and easy!!!!)

3.Play to win....and only win(any team I'm in....loses.....and it is not a coincidence !!!)

end result

my knees cry for mercy,

my ego is fractured,

I dream(at night) of being at the badminton court and winning two out of three games,

I have started watching sports channels(in the hope of catching tips on the sport)

I'm smashed.....but not certainly not defeated!!!!!

SHALLOW WITHIN

I saw 'Shallow hal' yesterday.
I saw 'Shallow Hal' yesterday AGAIN !!!!

Well,I guess it can be counted as a criminal offence in the court of the time gods,as watching a rerun when you have two almirahs to fix,two unfinished books(to read),uncooked vegetables begging to be cooked(slaughtered),loads of blogs to be read and a houseful of chores ....is criminal enough.But I guess,one can pamper oneself sometimes.the best thing about watching a rerun is,you begin to analyse movies to an extent which would shock the poor director.You begin to see it a new light,as if one is going to be paid handsomely to judge and comment on it.But,then its a free world,and blogging gives me an opportunity to express it.

The movie in question -Shallow hal is a story about altered perceptions, a hilarious romantic comedy ,about how a shallow Jack(hal) black,who is always on the lookout for the Perfect 10 kind of hottie woman and,is dehypnotized by a self help guru,to see the inner beauty of women, rather than their superficial outer appearances…and thus it helps him find his match in a 250 pound Paltrow.(u have to see the movie to enjoy it completely)





It left me thinking about how all of us are a little shallow Hal within and have programmed our minds to approve or reject people purely on their physical appearances….a facet that is strangely god given(and a little credit can go to the beauty and grooming industry too…I guess)

“Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder” we have been taught to follow…but I often wonder how many of us have been gifted with those’ EYES”….which can perceive and accept the true beauty of a person …the one that lies deep within us and requires no paint and polish…

but, the truth is that appearances do matter… …..as more and more people……crave to fit in…..fit into tighter jeans…..a smaller size… painstakingly calculate and fit and pray for our bmi’s to fit into the normal category…. And try for the nth time to get into that college jean that has been retained for the day “I fit…….”
No wonder the beauty industry makes whopping profits, helping people realize their BIG dream of being SMALL……
Somewhere in this race of smaller is better, we forget to see our real inner self in the mirror.
We forget to fit into a more humane world……forget to lend a helping hand when we aren’t asked…..smiling when others aren’t…..saying sorry wen we should….giving an elderly person our place in the line at the supermarket….holding the door for someone……saying good morning before others can ……..


It also left me thinking if like the character of Hal in the movie…..who sees the waifish Paltrow…instead of her weighty real self…if the world could be transformed just for one day into a place…where everyone who was a beautiful person ‘within’ could be transformed into a stunning beauty……..thus exposing the façade of .......
“the beauty fool” .

On one such day,Where do you think, would you find the most beautiful people in the world…

any guesses!!!!!

celebrating children

It's really easy to make children happy....believe me....it is !!!!

just do something that will surprise them,something, that they just don't expect you to do.As a teacher,i have often surprised my students,on several children's day functions,by putting up awkward and amateurish shows as a choreographer,dancer,singer,fashion model and actor.At all times, the sight of their teacher in another role,just freaked them out.I interrogated a lot of kids in my apartment complex,on the 14th, about how their children's' day went by,sadly none of them,sounded content !!!I missed being at school,and seeing their bright faces.

In two days time Santosh had my scooter purring like a content cat.At fourteen, he knew more about two wheelers,than a forty year old experienced mechanic.Santosh,worked at 80 rs a day and he wasn't complaining.He had never been to school,his only learning being in the garage ,working almost 8-10 hrs a day and was proud of the fact that he supported his family.

When i asked him,if he knew ,that today 14th was children's day,he said, that was for kids in school and that he wasn't a child anymore.At that time,it was hard to believe that he was just fourteen.I guess he was right,because he wasn't doing anything that a child of his age should have been doing.As i was about to take his picture,he stopped me with his question,'why are you taking my photo,aunty?'I, who am always ready with my bag full of answers,had to think for a while,and told him,that i was writing a story, and that he was the hero of my story.
i think i told him the truth....not a story,the kind that we usually tell,to avoid and ignore questions that children put up to us.

Mayank,age twelve years celebrated his birthday,the same evening,and the celebrations were certainly the talk of Brigade millennium.With a party happening at two levels,with two different themes and two different D.j's,two different sets of menu's, and loads of games.It was every kids dream come true.I don't really blame his parents,like all modern over enthusiastic parents, they were simply using the depth of their pockets,to display their love to their kid (and the rest of the world).

what is it that separates these two children,almost the same age,and puts them in stark opposite lives.Money one would say......i think,it's a bigger word called, DESTINY....

I wonder if Santosh knows about, how children like Mayank celebrate their birthday....I hope he never finds out......

i wonder if Mayank knows,how Santosh spends his day......I hope his parents show him someday.

IT WAS RAINING 'BOWS'

One is lucky,when....

After a heavy storm....

there appears a rainbow...for nature proves time and again that, none of her services come as a guaranteed package deal.....

and that 'ek ke saath ke free',exists in nature too...

in true diwali (commercial)spirit and style ......

(a rare occurrence of two rainbows....the second one to the left of the brighter one)

There are very few things left in this world that money can't buy,

for everything else,there's MASTER CARD

BUT sometimes you DO need a MASTER CARD ,to buy a camera to click such a brilliant moment !!!!!

the memory of those two rainbows,both at the same time...

PRICELESS....

thank you MASTER CARD !!!!

It was peering at me,when i opened my eyes this morning.

"How do you feel ?"it asked me.
"well,just the same.What did you expect?"said I ,irritated at this early morning confrontation.
It laughed,a haughty half laugh,as if victorious and said"Well,all those who care, will remind you of me today,gently ,in their own way!!!!"

"And by the way,don't take too long to get used to me,I know you hate change."
"Shoo !" I tried to push it away.
"I'll be back next year,with more additions," it had a smirk on his face as it walked away.

"and oh ,BTW,HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!" it said turning around one last time.

thirty three came to scare me this morning,but i told it,what i tell everyone
(and i believe Mark Twain wrote this for me and me alone!!!)

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter

MAIDLESS !!!!!

Well, life in a metro like Bangalore, is tough, a replacement (house) maid has more attitude, than your just returned US EXPAT neighbor.I am maidless, and all those of you who are raising an eyebrow at the mundanity of the topic, please raise both eyebrows now and bestow a little pity, because, this is one crucial issue, and a formidable force of nature, which hits each one of us, no matter which stage of life we are in. Whether you are married or happy, man or a woman, this is one maid you can’t do without. Like at the end of every ordeal(2 full maidless)days, one has arrived at the following profound conclusions……

· A ‘no maid’ situation ,has therapeutic value, here I was down and out with fever and chills, barely able to blink and lo behold, the tragic news cures me of all aches and pains .MODERN MIRACLES !!!

· The maid does a lousy job of cleaning (realized this while cleaning yesterday), yet is more efficient than me, coz what takes her exactly 25 min took me more than an hour!!!!TIME MANAGEMENT WITHOUT ATTENDING B SCHOOL

· Am losing hair by the kilos. It can’t be anybody elses, coz the only other two people in the house, (fortunately) still sport near crew cuts!!!! HAIR THERE EVERYWHERE

We have too much furniture at home. It’s technically and humanly impossible to maneuver through the furniture, while cleaning the house. GO BARE!!! I mean reduce and reduce!!!

· 1600 sq ft is really too much of luxury to deal with or rather clean!!!! SIMPLE LIVING AND IN SMALLER SPACES WILL INDUCE HIGH THINKING…..i am convincing myself to believe

· The myth, that I was some kind of high endurance cardio queen in the gym, was busted, as one round of JHADU POONCHA took the wind out of me. WAS SWEATING AT 19 DEGREES CENTIGRADE.

·That I have the most adorable husband, as was taken out for dinner and from being MAID was given special treatment by both father and son as MAID OF HONOUR.

AN INDIAN EPIC !!!

Move over Harry potter and Lord of the rings,and all those who accuse Indians of plagiarism, for here is a movie ,which can be touted as the original ‘baap’ of all Fantasy, long before the genre ,ever came into fashion. If you thrive on Fantastical adventures, here’s one which will gratify all genres and tastes, as the ultimate masala movie, with a potent mix of Fantasy, family drama, costume (drama) and of course rib tickling comedy that will leave you crying(for NO more)

The plot of PATAAL BHAIRAVI is the story of a brave heart, poor lad(Jitendra) dressed in Greeko style,(GOD alone knows why)and the fabric of his dresses, alternates magically between suede…leather and embroidery, in love with our heavily ‘accented’ poor little rich princess(Jaya Prada),who in turn gets kidnapped by an evil ,satin obsessed Sorcerer, Kadar Khan, who strikes everyone with his rather ingenious, indigenous version of abracadabra……AAM PHAT !!!(You read it right aam phat) if Achilles’ had a heel, the key to all his (KK’S) magical abilities, lay in his……….his beard !!!!

One of the highest points(there being innumerable ones)in the movie,is the item number by the damsel in distress Dimple(kapadia),who is desperately trying to lure our chaste hero(a la Menaka style)and our VIshwamitra(Jitendra,who fights her off, with corny lines like….tum mujhe aapne vasna ki aag mein jalana chahte ho)and who has been ‘shraped’by an evil tantrik,and is freed by Jitendra.There are numerous other unforgettable characters like Asrani and the unmistakably large Amjad Khan, playing a la Astrik and Obelisk(with the horns) reincarnated in Patal Lok,who help thicken and unthicken the plot,and make this movie,truly a ‘CLASSIC’.Watch it to believe,the insanity !!!

DIL MANGE 'MORE'

· read 40% of the newspaper, at a stretch(which is quite a feat, considering low levels of concentration)

· took Anshul to the dentist(because bitter past experience has taught me that prevention is better than waiting endlessly outside the dentist's office)

· visit doctor for vaccinations(which have been so delayed that the doc suspects that I’m his foster mother,and the fact that I can’t remember whether he had measles or chicken pox,when he was a baby,acts as fuel to the doctors’ doubts!!)

· buy ‘GOOD’ vegetables, that everyone will eat(which actually leaves me with very few options, so easier said than done)

· Give clothes for stitching (for this is the ideal gap between post eid and pre diwali,and may be I'll be lucky to get them back in a month)

· Wind up pending job at the bank (which meant I had to remove my helmet, sun coat and scarf AGAIN!!!...coz with all these on ,the security guard would not have let me in)

· pick up pamphlet from ranga shankara,about theatre festival,(so that one can plan much ahead and not miss the plays…YET AGAIN)

Seven major errands done and seventy more pending at home. If there’s one complaint I have against god, it is that he gave me just 24 hrs in a day. I decide to reward Anshul with a pack of kurkure, for he is extremely upset at being ‘pricked’, without adequate notice!! We park ourselves on the J.P Nagar II Phase curb and sit down to enjoy, a tight rope walking act,by two little girls, in the middle of the street(much to the annoyance of passers-by).
As the little girl accepted the 10 rs reward from us with a smile, I marvelled at her ability to smile, despite the kind of life she lived. Maybe I was being unfair and selfish by complaining about walking on a tight rope, juggling small time assignments (which can hardly be called as work) family, gym, holidays, friends, watching plays,reading, attending guitar classes, housekeeping(where the maid does 80%of the REAL work).

I guess it's just a habit and in fashion to complain about ones’, severe lack of time and to lament about the undone than the done. We all complain of tight schedules and the growing TIME –LESS syndrome, we grumble about how we are never able to do MORE...
Well here was someone who did that not for more, but just to make ends meet.

The to-do list is endless, 24 hours in a day; never seem enough to finish what is...or rather is intended to be done. I have decided to look back and see and feel happy, more about the DONE this time…!!!
As I reached back home, I gave myself a pat on the back,for having kept the lunch ready, for there is nothing like a good lunch waiting at home, when one is really hungry and felt thankful to be in a situation where I could take a break from work to sit back at home, to do MORE or LESS NOTHING!!!!

As for the list of things still undone, because I sat down to write this post.....
Tomorrow is another day, which promises a full 24 hours......

PICTURE THIS

LIBERATING OR SUFFOCATING !!!!!

the view from the 11th floor ,clearly my favourite place in the entire house

but sometimes the growing concrete jungle tells me,that very soon ,there will be no more 'JUNGLE' left

'PICTURE THIS'

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL,

HOW DID I BECOME SO THIN AND TALL,

TALL IS THANKS TO THE GENETIC SELECTION

AS FOR THIN,I SHOULD THANK THE FUNNY MIRRORS SECTION........

(vishveshvaryya science museum,Cubbon park)

'PICTURE' THIS

THE OLD AND THE NEW CO-EXIST

while the new 'steels' away the attention,

the old lures you with a coat of red lipstick.

(venketappa art gallery and the TVS towers near cubbon park)

An inquisitive mind is often the victim of punishment.I knew teachers believed,and executed, this adage,but here the tables were turned,and was punished when I questioned a blogger,about the what and how of TAG......AND GOT TAGGED IN RETURN.

Frankly ,would have never responded to the tag.However, it's true that the question,
what are the 5 random things that people don't know about me...quizzed and hounded me for days.....is it that i am so transparent,that there's nothing which people don't know about me???OR is it that i would have to dig out my secrets and desires and fears and put it up!!!!!!
Found them five points to ponder!!!!!

1. Have a miraculous ability to oscillate between being an introvert and an extrovert.....how and why it happens i don't really know......love being with people,never really care about saying things which are politically correct,but somehow, intensely worry myself silly about why I said it and whom I said it to,????maybe I'm an ambivert or just plain old indecisive!!!!!

2. intensely hate plastic bags......they have a rare chemical ability to raise my BP to abnormal limits.It does embarrass family and friends,when i carry my own bag everywhere,and don't leave any opportunity to lecture people on shunning plastics.....shopkeepers,shoppers caught unawares,school kids...i drive my Eco lessons anywhere and everywhere....It amazes and irritates me,when i see people ask for a huge 5 kg plastic bag,to carry home 1 solitary nimbu !!!!!
"polythene dena bhaiya is every Indian shoppers' fav line."

3. am hopelessly patriotic.....romance,lovers dying to meet in heaven,motherly love...nope....nothing gets the senti out of me as much as a dose of desh bakhti.Strangely,can never sing the national anthem,without feeling tears well up in my eyes.India's struggle for freedom remains my fav.lesson,and often get emotional teaching it.

4. Don't want to sound psychic,but have a rare ,and sometimes irritating ability of receiving vibes from people.....good or bad.....which warns me or pulls me towards them......99% of the time....... I'm correct.Also have an insanely high level of expectation from the people whom I call F.R.I.E.N.D.S.....lethally high.....(don't know how the two things are connected....but am getting a vibe that they are)

5. Cannot do without my daily dose of exercise......whether that daily dose of exercise leads to any calorie depletion(and mostly it does not)...is a fact ,i don't bother...but the satisfaction and exhilaration,whether in a park or the gym ....is a mood elevator for me..... working up a sweat is worth ,every trickle of sweat.

CRICKET AND ITS 'MEN YAH' !!!!

It’s time to change the way we see, or feel ‘BLUE’.

Blue is indeed the colour of the season and cricket is back, with its biggest bang, as the national flavour,this time with no distaste in the mouth.NO !!!I’m not a cricket fan/buff, in fact I don’t watch cricket at all, and confess that didn’t witness any of the T20 matches,except the final ,because when you get an opportunity to witness WAR, that too without bloodshed and misery, one really can’t help be a part of it.
And what a war it was!!!!

The team is back, and has received a historic heroic welcome.Certainly,something which will go down as ‘once in a lifetime’,for onlookers in Mumbai,telly viewers,and of course Dhoni and his boys, as well. The media, as expected, is going bonkers, covering and reanalyzing all aspects and angles of the team, and nobody is complaining!!!!!!Well, The print media too, hasn’t left any page unturned, with out reminding the reader, several times in each second, that we are now world champions.

I wonder now, what would have happened, if team India hadn’t won the match that memorable Monday evening. What if sreesanth hadn’t been there to catch that ball, which had been so awkwardly handled by Misbah-ul-haq? Would it change the fact that, India played marvelously well throughout the tournament? Would we still adore Yuvraj, Irfan, R.P Singh and the others? Would we still worship and hail Dhoni and his destroyers???
NO!!we wouldn’t !!!We would have cursed and complained. We would have lashed out at the team, for crumbling under pressure,even charging them with allegations of Match fixing and being a thoroughly indisciplined lot.

The same companies,who are busy revamping their campaigns, and flaunting their blue brand ambassadors, would have taken all such print and media ads, off air!!!
Effigies would be burned, the families harassed, and the team would be hiding to save their faces, probably they would have needed tighter security at the airport, in anticipation of angry and dejected mobs…..see how the word changes from FANS to MOBS!!!!!

It’s a fact well known and displayed that we are a nation of unforgiving people who expect the world, from these men, and somewhere forget that it is a game and that whether we win or lose, the fact that we made it to the finals, and defeated an arrogant and invincible giant like Australia, should have been a reason enough to welcome the team back as heroes……

But, why worry about that……right now the flavour of victory is sweet ,and strong enough to be savoured over a lifetime…….

KYA DARD HAI ISKO..........DARD E DISCO !!!!!

Mannat
Lands end ,Mumbai

Dear Mr Shakrukh Khan,

Hope this letter finds you in the best of health…… (as wealth…I guess is something you and the next seven in the kin don’t have to worry about !!!!)

I have to confess,that I was pleasantly shocked to see one of your (item )songs on television recently. Shocked, because at first, I thought it was some new kid on the tube,who looked like a cross between you and the very honorable Mr.Salman Khan. However on closer inspection, I have to admit I realized I was wrong,and this time the shirtless wonder was the other Khan. Quite frankly, at first glance the abs actually looked computer generated……. I mean, I may hurt your feelings by saying this, considering the fact that you must have “worked your abs off”…literally for such a ABSoulutely chiseled look ,which I believe you acquired at the insistence of your son!!!!!
Believe me , kids !!!!they can drive you up the wall with their demands. I am quite relieved, that my son sets out more achievable goals for us, like an X box or a game boy.

However,curiosity killed the cat in me as I failed to understand and make any head or tail out of the enlightening lyrics of the above mentioned song……I KNOW YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT THE JULMI NATURE OF YOUR beloved,
“Woh Hasina Woh Neelum Pari,
Kar Gayee Aise Jadoogari…..
Dil Mein Bechainiyan Hai Bhari…..
Dil mein mere hai dard e disco…
dard e disco…..dard e disco”

but how on earth does the disco become a source of dard…..AHA ,maybe that’s what they call,the absurd in poetry…(had only heard about it in theatre !!!)

As a concerned fan,I also wanted to bring to your notice certain unknown aspects about the song,which are quite puzzling….. , it seems they have shot a lot of footage of the video without your consent????
for e.g they have taken some pics while you must be taking a wash on the sets, (you I’m sure ,must be quite oblivious about it) ,I found it strange as to why you would like to splash around ,while in your jeans …..you must be aware that the monsoons are on and that drying clothes is such an effort….and that all the shirts that they have provided you, have no buttons……isn’t that weird???May be you never noticed!!!!!

I have also heard that the movie is set in the 70’s,maybe that’s why in the song, there is a certain sequence, with the girls in boney M style hair dos ,wearing leopard skin body suits(now you don’t want the PETA activists hounding the movie ,do you??)….and yet another sequence with everybody in mining helmets……I guess there must have been a power cut that day in the studio and the director made a smart move by providing mining helmets for lighting up the sets……I'm sure...!!!!

Oh….or is it that you have gladly consented to be part of this SHOW business….well, if ,yes,
I JUST WANTED TO TELL you that I CAN speak for **** crore janta who inhabits this country, that KAL HO NA HO…….YA PHIR ABS HO NA HO…… we love you and like you for being the original FAUJI and an adorable Commando Abhimanyu Rai(and the fact that I still remember your full name is the biggest compliment you can ever get !!!),

for being synonymous with the name ‘RAJ’,
for being the pensive and sensitive NRI in swades, who‘s torn between duty and desh……
for being Kabir khan,a fighter who turns pain and shame into victory……. and who reminded Indians that HOCKEY, is their national game.
and for raising the hopes of hundreds of teachers like me, who wished every new academic year, for that overgrown college drop out , Major Ram to walk into their class rooms and say main hoon na!!!,
For being yourself,on and off screen….for smoking ,while on air….. and making no bones about it and then apologizing to the entire nation, dancing at weddings and justifying it as being part of the show biz,and for staying away from controversy ……

(for all the hamming and all the kkkkk ing that you do, we forgive you…)

If, it is ever found out, please do let me know,
WHY THE SONG IS CALLED ‘DARD E DISCO’ ???!!!!!!

Regards and best wishes,

Gazal

HOT AND COLD TOO !!!!

O.K confession time…last weekend’s blogging…(rather it should be called posting)…left me exhausted…..three posts over the weekend….( in this part of the country Friday too is considered a weekend)…..completely run out of words so decided to become teletuby……

Have watched so much of Lakme fashion week ,last week that am inspired to buy some clothes…..‘Enough is enough”,I tell myself. Although, actually, Enough is never Enough in a woman’s wardrobe. Am pretty sure, it will take me 10 yrs of starvation and ten years of consolidated salary to buy even a ch**** from there…….
So I catch these poor girls (a friend’s daughters) ,while they were waiting for their college to open….actually I bribed them with the prospect of a good biryani lunch…
We head towards Commercial Street (THE shopping hub) in Bangalore…..and attack a popular clothing store (am tempted to use the word apparel….hangover of the fashion show I guess)

YOU look HOT aunty!”, exclaimed the 18 yr old ,as I came out of the changing room. I made a silly face just the way I do when a compliment comes my way…. “No way!,” I exclaimed…. “I am not buying this, I DON’T WANT TO LOOK HOT!!!”

“Wait aunty”,she said. It’s nothing to do with what you are wearing, but how you carry it, that makes you look hot….and right now you look hot in this tee shirt…..

History was in the making here…… I bought the shirt instantly, and those who have been subjected to the torture of shopping with me will realize what a miracle it was….. (not that I bought the tee shirt for the hot value attached to it)…but some how she had also made me see the fact that hot had little to do with skin show and exposure and was more of attitude and confidence. I don’t really blame myself for harboring such an outdated attitude…coz growing up in a place like Delhi,which still retains the leching capital crown on it’s head….. hot and sexy were always considered derogatory prefixes ,for ones personality….

The apparel…(ha ha) is put to test again the same evening, as the family prepares to go out for dinner…….a long hmmmmm from the hubby.Now a non verbal hmmmm is actually more confusing than any other compliment.
You look cool, ma! , compliment from the ten year old man in the house. I did not want to ask him what he exactly meant by that word, but knew that he meant every word he said.

It’s difficult to comprehend the modern vocabulary. In the past two days I have managed to draw two contradictory compliments for the same thing.
Hmmmm I wonder if this is that they mean when they say HOT …. COLD TOO !!!!
And YOU thought it was HAUTE COUTURE

Have realized that time is the biggest editor of dictionaries, and it’s time I upgraded myself to its latest version!!!!

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN"

"Frankly,my dear ,I don't give a damn !",has been voted as the favourite movie line ever.Well,nothing brilliant about quoting a line from Sunday's newspaper,but then the first post warned you against expecting anything remotely connected to brilliance on this space.

Rhett Butler,had a reason for throwing this line at Scarlett,but for mortals like us,we just want to flaunt this attitude of 'I don't give a damn' at everyone around,probably trying to project oneself as independent and immune to anything and anybody........
It's an attitude virus,spreading like an epidemic,but honestly,fact is stranger than fiction and fictional characters
the truth is ,we do care,much more than a mere damn,about and for a select few in our lives,

we crave for attention, no matter ,how much we deny it,we long for appreciation ,at work and at home,when we put in our best,we want to be complimented on how good we look,every time we dress(yet,every time we say we dress for our eyes only)

and no matter how much bloggers' may deny it,they DO write to be read ,and wait to be commented,and those who deny this universal truth,are probably still being untrue to themselves.

"I do care",and I love it when my friends tell me that they wait for me to post and update my blog,even though it may be filled with the crappiest of all content,i love it when my students send me mails telling me how much they enjoyed reading the 'Hyderabad post',but felt silly commenting on their teacher's writing !!.....i love it when my friend immortalised my blog,by posting a it as a recommended link and I love it when my anonymous prank,inspired a whole post on another,I respect and value all advice and comments ,that come from friends and well wishers(and never ever label it as criticism),when they tell me not to try too hard and be myself on the blog.

For i know only fools believe that they are perfect....

Please say 'I don't give a damn',but,
to hypocrites,
and to pretentious people,who lurk around you,
to office politics and neighbourhood gossip,
to baseless media reports of who kissed whom and who slept with whom.......

sorry,thank you and I love you !!!three expressions that will never change in meaning,and yet we chose to say them ,with so much attitude and discretion......

We all give and care much more than A DAMN,let's accept it and show it to the rightful, more often,than they deserve.....

CAUVERY MAIYA KI JAI !!!!!

This was the second time we had reached late,yet none of us were playing the blame game with each other.....a second time we had missed the coveted rafter......however the organizer took pity on us and swore that he had bent rules to adjust us !!!!

the wait was painful....the kids played cards and fought like wildcats,over Jacks , spades and points and created a din,which actually was welcome,considering the fact that Himesh Reshmiaaahhh crooned in the backdrop,and to top it all........the omlette bread turned out to be the most shameful thing that could be made out of an egg....


when i said the cauvery was slow yet seductive.....it wasn't just an overt usage...for everyone who sat at the banks(incl me),watched her absolutely mesmerised,this was not some fair Ganges ,which intimated you with her fury,but a dark,slow and muddy river,which still managed to give her fair cousin stiff competition......


an agonizing hour later....the huge grey whale arrived.....and we were ordered to 'leashen' (listen) to instructions carefully......a dummy drill of rowing.....all back...all front...T grip not to leave madam !!!!.....a few reassuring words about the cauvery being a peaceful river.....drowning instructions...err not to drown and panic instructions.......red life jackets(we were warned were 500 rs each). blue helmets......fancy oars....a tough looking row master,who chose to align us on the rafter , by tapping us on ours bums with his oars !!!

we looked more like aliens then adventurists !!!!


the instructions fresh in our head ,I was a trifle disappointed with the calm waters at first(felt only a pump in adrenaline was paise vasool)......but soon realised,the peace and the calm ,was worth every penny.......just as we were getting comfortable with our skills....and listening with' raft' attention to the riveristic jargon.....came two words from the R M

'Get off'...Now this wasn’t exactly the middle of M.G/brigade road/connaught place..,(actually between Cauvery and MG road….i would choose alighting at the former….for reasons best known to bangalorians)and since we had just been informed about the 40 feet depth fact,all of us retorted back at the poor guy with a …WHAT??


Gingerly and reluctantly, coz none of us had any faith in the 500 rs.life jackets we wore, we did take the plunge,and soon realized that the principle of buoyancy ,did really exist.Soon,the chill of the water disappeared, the life jackets proved themselves sound,surprisingly,none of us spoke,we just floated like inanimate objects ,on the muddy waters.


O.K!!!!sharp whistle from the RM,BTB(back to boat),now it was nearly impossible for us to climb back into the rafter,without support, so the RM,jumped in,to prove that the money we had coughed up was actually worth it.The drama,which followed was worth every penny,for those unknown to the sport,he caught the straps of our life jackets at the shoulders and then with a mighty grunt yanked us back into the boat.I chose to be uplifted last…..for I realized the guy should be warmed up…before he made an attempt on me…..believe me when he did……I found myself laughing uncontrollably,at the pretty picture,and was glad they were no cameras around…and i assured him that would recommend him for the Ripley’s believe it or not(India version) for sure….

The rest of the journey was uneventful, one more round of ‘get off’, however this time was met up a YIPEE !!!we had become seasoned now…….and the poor guy had a difficult time convincing us to get back to the boat.After about 15 min of synchronized and disciplined rowing,it was time for some rapid action,like a mini roller coaster,C tossed and twirled us,like one twirls the last remnants of those crushed badams,at the end of badam milk…..


Surprisingly, we all seem to be aware that this ride was over,for no one spoke as we passed trees,dotted with plastic bags...a sign that humans were here...... little islands and marshy banks…..oars locked to the side,the current gently pushed us out to a thick yellow rope,which signalled the end of the adventure.

9 kms and one and a half hour......now i know what they mean when they say.....time flew by!!


According to S, a dip in the Cauvery was pious and known to cleanse ,all our sins,
and we certainly had more than a dip…we had had a trip of a lifetime…..and now that my slate of sins was cleansed, I was ready to commit some more …….

CAUVERY ,COORG AND MY CAMERA !!!!!

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE NOTICED THE TIME ON THE POST...THIS POST WITH IT'S HEAVY DUTY IMAGERY HAS COST ME ...A NIGHT'S SLEEP....AND STILL NO SIGN OF ALIGNMENT.......

What makes an idyllic holiday.......
a tank full of petrol(i don't want to ever call it GAS !!),the company of the most jovial , gregarious ,and extremely travelled, 'R' family(used for reasons of privacy),a low down on every village and landmark,the best eating joints on the way,and no idea of what we were to encounter....!!!!!


COORG...AKA....MADIKERI....AKA.......KODAGU.....
(picture 1)
WHERE THE SAL WORE PEPPERY PYJAMAS...(oh damn!!not sure if they are visible...how many times have i told mohan to buy me a decent camera....at such times he becomes a good husband.....conveniently deaf !!)
and coffee grew like wild grass....the weather was whisky......yes whisky....coz according to local gup...it's risky to order anything but whisky....coz they take ages to fetch

FROM SHIVANSAMUNDRAM(120 kms from Bangalore) to DUBARE (banks of the cauvery....252 kms)

The cauvery behaved ,displayed all the characteristics of a typical woman...... resplendent in her many moods.......furious and roaring,breathtakingly beautiful,pregnant with the monsoons,as it cascaded down ,

at the shivansamudram falls.....(PICTURE 4)

(picture 3)

pouring and roaring and frothy and milky and spraying us with misty waters,as we watched it from a rickety bridge at abbey falls....(i mumbled a prayer,as i stepped on)

(picture 2)

seductive , slow and tranquil on the surface,yet deep and dangerous inside.....at the dubare forest reserve.....

TO BE CONTINUED..........

RADIO AND THE OLIVE GREENS !!!!!!

Please note that........
Any resemblance to the genre of poetry is purely accidental…….and unintended……

The rules and regulations of blog land
I may or may not understand

I hope ,I can borrow subjects from and for posts
and that won’t be constituted as plagiarism or post lifting
Coz chanced upon two words on a friends blog
and was reminded of a radiotic era gone by……

When books and the radio were my best friends(and a few others...of course)
When the postman was, as eagerly awaited as,
the monthly allowance……(am running short of appropriate similes off late)
And then spending a part of that measly allowance,
to buy yellow post cards to write to the radio station, requesting for songs and special people…..

Applying all the acquired skills from the physics practical lab, so as to fine tune the radio...........
till one could catch the faintest strain of that lovable signature tune -Col BOOGIE………
Of friendship requests from and to LT ‘S...LIEUTENANT(a time when the rank was more respected than the bank balance……)

If the unit adjutant acted as a censor,
there existed a civilian equivalent, in the form of ones ‘ mother,
for every letter was viewed and commented on …….
with disdain and a bag full of caution(ing) words….
But then one got smarter and caught the letters before she did……..


Of practicing and perfecting the art of letter writing,
to these unknown and unseen Men in Green,
who lived at destinations known as 56 APO and 99 APO…….
Of innocent friendships, exchanging pleasantries,
and the joy of discovering common hobbies,
and catching up with a few(lucky)ones,
when they touched base in the capital…….

‘FORCES REQUESTS’ ON ALL INDIA RADIO……….

FREQUENCY...... FORGOTTEN…….TIME…….. PROBABLY 10 PM….

BUT MEMORIES and IMPRESSIONS……….. UNFORGETTABLE

REVERSE GEAR !!!

Just met up with a bunch of spirited Navrachanaites (the school I taught in Baroda) and it brought back a flood of memories…..hence the flashback.

October 2006…..I discovered the elixir to youth and age reversal………

And that the elixir didn’t really come in a 5 gm puny bottle, which made your wallet sweat…..

At Navrachana school, in October, the buzz could generate enough electricity to power the whole of Baroda, however,the same buzz……the very thought of going on a full five days exercursion,with a bunch of 15 yr olds, …was sending jitters down my spine…..especially after all the toe curling tales of teacher torture, that were being narrated in staff rooms and dining hall lunch time sessions by the more X perienced lot.….somehow these stories remain miraculously covered ,throughout the year and pop up only during the times mentioned above…..I had a sneaking suspicion they were to discourage you more than…..

In typical fauji style we had our endless round of briefings……with principal…with students….with the distraught poor travel agent (I pitied him) with parents, who were more nervous and anxious than their children…..and between those of us ‘marked’ for the trip…(for the zillionth time)

There is always a first time and this hopefully is the last…I consoled myself as I boarded the train….
a second round of riots in Gujarat, erupted from a train yet again… only this time, however, the arsenal was… TOOTHPASTE, for the first time in my life I slept with my shoes on…for the casualties kept coming in through the night…..(and they were those who had taken the risk to sleep…!!!)

and yes it was the first time I had stayed away from home {5 whole days}, the first time I didn’t have to cook or make tea, clean the home, make my bed {God bless the Room Service dept.}

Whether the Gujarat and Andhra governments were into any alliance ,was a fact not known, one thing was sure……. these Gujju ambassadors were here for some serious economic reforms. For Navrachana made their presence felt all over Hyderabad, OH! YES, be it Golconda or Salargunj… Ice world or Charminar market, no food or drinks stall was left untouched by their benevolence which managed to create quite an economic stir in the Hyderabad market, and this time, cash flowed straight from Gujarat into Andhra Pradesh.

The trip was truly educational, as I was updated on all the hip and happenings, in and around class…… new friends were discovered while old ties were strengthened…… MP3’s and Ipods served unerringly {even in the loos}. That our children were hardy and possessed stomach’s of steel, was proved beyond doubt by the fact that many of them could survive on coke, chips and five day old theplas.

That October, I know I had turned fifteen again, for my students, never made me feel like an adult… for all of us…. laughed, sang, cried and danced {man… the DJ party left us all a few kg’s lighter} together….

That October… I knew what it was like to be….. mother to a 100 children.
That October they made me realize,I was still 15…just pretending to be 30…..
Thank you Class IX…. (Batch of 2006-2007)
For making me feel fifteen all over again.

still shifting gears

Nadira,the bold and brazen vamp of the yester years ,who lured Raj kapoor and millions of others in mudhe mudhe ke na deekh…mudhe in shri 420……one who reached iconic status with her magical eyes……would beg people to come and visit her and then prolong their stay by offering them food and drinks…said an article in yesterday’s paper…..stardom…success and…….now unasked for Solitude…
Another article….same paper….recognizing signs of depression……another article……doing things for yourself……and a massive one on social networking sites and their accompanying hazards…(if you didn’t know they were hazardous …now you will…!!)
The more we grow in numbers the more we are probably heading towards a lonely planet……
A weekend with an endless list of things to do……didn’t have even a minute to spare, yet called up half a dozen friends and chatted with some more..i love the way the pitch of their voice jumps up…the moment the recognize my voice….I’m sure they have a smile on their faces too (I buried modesty long ago)…made them laugh at some insane jokes, discussed silly things, and gave them all verbal and non verbal signals about how much I missed them……..surprisingly all of them spoke of hectic schedules, that were strangely empty……
Loneliness a word which often we fail to recognize….and push under the bed….in an effort to hide it out of view(for sometime)…

I thought I would take the sabbatical to view life…..people…issues clearly…. I watch people whizzing by from the 11th floor…….but instead ……. see just a blur…… because in the rush to get somewhere…..no one has the time to look up and wave….

Trying desperately to debug my system from this temporary virus…..before it attacks my software called sense of humour……
And if nothing works……..I’m sure the next months' phone bill will……

SHIFTING GEARS !!!!

I wanted to write something sensible for my second post. I owed it to it…..but all sense eludes you, when one is faced with exigencies of the M kind. For in every woman’s life the four M’s play a major role in marking her life’s milestones.MENSES,MEN,MAIDS AND MENOPAUSE……The first and the fourth should be accepted as nature’s gifts ……the second deserves analysis at length, but it’s the third M that unfortunately is a force of nature which one feels helpless to deal with !!!!
So the weekend was ruined, when the maid decided to call it a day(err two days)…… I prayed for her return.... relentlessly, I dashed to the door every time the bell rang, and even personalized her no. on my cell with a different ring tone…..(YES SHE HAS A CELL)
The dilemma was between sitting down to write and attacking a precipice of utensils which screamed for attention…finally I decide to follow my head….put the FM radio …on a volume generally non permissible by Brigade millennium standards…..and did the dishes ….strangely all the stations seemed to playing CHUK DE….CHUK DE INDIA…goading me on ….

I was grateful Mohan wasn’t at home ,for one, he has become absolutely immune to mundane household emergencies like no maid, no water ,no electricity…..and second ,he would have suggested some insane brilliant idea like turning a blind eye, ear and nose to the squalor and would have coaxed me to watch a movie with him, which would have irked me to a point of no return…..I guess it was his lucky day!!!!……and Anshul behaved intelligently by avoiding interaction…as he felt that somehow his languor reminded me of the maid less situation even more….
My fingers are all wrinkled up, after the close encounters of the watery kind. I kicked myself for procrastinating when I should have done the utensils long,long back .
I kicked myself for not having procured tickets for a play I had been waiting to watch....... the entire month.

Have come to the following conclusions………

Treat your maid well….for with, and in her, rests the peace of the entire house hold.

Tickets to a good play, like good men, never remain available for long…
grab them before someone else does….!!

first gear

TO B(log) or not TO B(log)

It must have been about 7-8 months back when I accidently stumbled upon ‘The Blog’, while trying to locate a long lost friend. A quick trip to the dictionary and a few discreet inquires (shockingly) revealed that the phenomenon was in fact a decade old…. (Nothing new for me… one who remains in the dark ages of the technological time line, most of the time)

What amazed me was the fact, that people wanted to put up ‘personal trivia for public display '(quote exact words told to a friend) and since then have been looking for a definitive answer to why people blog……

Do people write to express or they express to be read……..can one write naturally without pretense knowing fully well the fact that their emotions are put up on the world’s display window…..sorry to be so cynical but, the questions are but natural for any new born…..(reference…late entry into blogging).
Call it peer pressure or e pressure, a sudden spontaneous overflow of feelings ……ahem…..creativity (I know that’s Mr. Wordsworth’s), or may be just a desire to connect and reach across with words, which are informative, inspiring and (sometimes !!) intuitive. Pardon me if I’m metaphorically incorrect, but the blog seems to be ones ‘creative virtual offspring’ …..you conceive the posts (sometimes) in seconds, see a part of you in it….proudly watch it growing…….recommend it to others…….(they way parents flaunt their kids’ newly developed developmental skills)…compare it ….…and of course expect people to compliment(comment on)…it.
Well, time went by and the inevitable happened….I steadily and unquestionably got addicted to reading about the private and the not so private ‘lively…lifely’ details of friends and strangers and have to admit ,marvelled at peoples' ability to transform feelings and experiences into words ……
The desire to peep into the lives of friends through their blogs is indeed addictive………the pressure to comment intelligently…….challenging, but, above all the desire to stay connected and communicate is alluring!
Yes, I have been pretty skeptical and apprehensive about writing one of my own, despite words of encouragement offered by friends…..to join the league…!!!BLOGGERS INC!
for one…… revelation doesn’t come naturally to me…..especially when expressed in the written form. Probably like they say, when you lose one of your senses the others become stronger…..antonym(ically) true….for the excess of verbal gaffe….has induced the above mentioned deficiency ….second and most important…..the Macbethian dagger(read pressure) of being an English teacher looms large over me……for I confess(and my students will agree) that words don’t come easily ,I thrive on Gulzar ,Nida Fazli,Shakespeare,Hemmingway and Rushdie and O Henry and Maupassant, but possess no ability to create magical lines of either prose or verse, and often wobble when writing, supported by the crutches of a dictionary and now of MS word.
But, can and will write with honesty and simplicity……candidly and probably in language that’s as plain Jane as ME!!!
Apprehensive and unsure…am still looking for reasons as to why people blog….
Till I can find substantial, raison d'être that can put me at rest…have succumbed to bloggers’ pressure
For it is better to have written and expressed than not to have written at all…...